I am on the train smiling thinking about M's volcano laughter and how it built like a fire from inside of her. I see her red hair everywhere lately. I think about the gracefulness and brutality of water and how it never stops a tide because it is weary. It keeps cycling with intuitive knowledge that each movement will bring change.I think about the vulnerability and bravery it takes to cry in front of someone for the first time. I think of "E" and am reminded of true love. "N" used to say that true love meant hoping your partner dies first so they will not have to live with your lost. I think of "A" helping carry his casket,fragile herself as "taps" floated in the air on that gray upstate day. I am thinking about "P"'s two halves about how he seemed surprised I understood it.It just seemed like nature to me and unnatural to be more one then the other, a blend of elements in and of itself.The way the rivers meet the beds in a bardo state and how when I look around I see that consciousness in most things worth while right now. I think about how we are taught to look up to hero for inspiration and although that is good sometimes perhaps we should look at nature for all the tenderness and strength we need. I think of all the proof of God that we need is found in a sunset or turning season.